Lonesome

You ever feel…alone? like no one understands you and no one really knows what to say to make you feel better?

You ever feel like that loneliness is going to follow you everywhere? wherever you go, to work, to school, to the goddamn grocery store? you just have this cloud on top of you and it won’t move on no matter what you do.

I feel like that right now and I am petrified that it won’t ever leave.

I feel like whatever I do, whatever I say, is being brushed off as an opinion that doesn’t matter. It’s like my words have no value to anyone around me.

Words have power, and power like that makes you invincible. When people hang at your every word, you control everything. You control what happens at that moment and a mob will be there to follow.

Power like that makes you a king or queen, you stand above everyone else and the others don’t seem to mind because they take the words coming from your mouth as gospel.

I have never felt power like that, but I have been the follower who will heed the leaders’ voice and follow blindly like a sheep.

I know people who cover ground and the ground is considered holy like it doesn’t even matter what they say, it will be taken as the absolute truth and it will not be checked for accuracy.

I am lucky enough to break from that cycle, but this side is empty, I am the only one who has crossed over.

It’s like a black hole, once you cross the horizon to glimpse the singularity, there is no coming back. You are stuck there forever.

Until somebody else is foolish enough to try and glimpse the singularity.

But as we speak, I am over here alone. Alone and petrified. 

I should be used to being alone, I don’t have any siblings, I lived alone at home from a young age because both my parents were working. I’ve never had many friends, the few I have rather spend their time with other people.

I don’t even know what a best friend really is, my past actions have caused this so it is I who I blame for this predicament. 

Alas, I am still not used to being alone. 

It’s so dark on this side, its pitch black. I don’t want to be alone anymore, I await the person who is foolish enough to keep me company

-Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty-

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