The one feeling that I always keep with me is hope. It is such a beautiful feeling, it can give you so much strength and it has the power to build you up even from the depths of Tartarus.
But you can only grow an appreciation for hope after you’ve experienced its much less appealing Paramore: hopelessness. While hope can bring you back from Tartarus, hopelessness can put you right back in it and make sure you never emerge to see the light ever again.
Having experienced both of these emotions, I have to say feeling hopeful is a much better situation to find yourself in as opposed to the alternative.
My worst case of hopelessness actually came while in high school. I wasn’t exactly a bright student, I was happy with average scores and elated when I get a 65 or 70. Now, having a mindset in an Indian school system can be harrowing.
Till about my senior year (12th grade) I was always brushed aside as not going to make it to a good University due to my poor grades, so much so that I had also given up really on making it so I had given up. I made up in my mind that any lowly University back in my home country of India would suit me best because there was NO way I was going to make it abroad.
This all happened around the time the batch above me graduated and the few friends I had in the graduating batch all left and went on to American or the UK. The stories I heard from them sounded so fun and amazing and University sounded exactly like how it is in the movies.
Then I thought to myself, I deserve to experience those things. I deserve to go somewhere abroad and live alone and do all the things I heard form my friends.
Thats the moment my hopelessness slowly turned to hope. The first obstacle I had was to talk to my parents because we were prepping to go to India which doesn’t cost a whole lot. We talked it though and decided I’d get a student loan to facilitate this dream of mine.
Their part was done, all I needed from my folks were the money. Getting into a University abroad was my job and there was no way in hell I was going to back down form this.
I started reading up and how the University system works in American and the UK and figured out what I needed from my teachers, who also by the way had no hope in me that I would make it and basically laughed it off.
Same with most of my friends, they made fun of me for merely TRYING to study in America. I used all negativity to further fuel my drive and worked tirelessly for a whole year. I missed out on parties, missed out on events, missed celebrating my 17th birthday, missed so much, just so I could make it.
Fast forward to January I sent in my first college application. In the coming weeks I sent more and more, I sent it to a total of 16 Universities in America (I ruled out the UK as a possibility).
Fast forward again to a couple months after, I received my first acceptance letter.
The euphoria I felt cannot and will not be matched.
In the next two weeks I received letters from everywhere I applied and I got accepted into the 14of the 16 Universities I applied to. 14.
I had an 87% success rate. The two Universities that denied me? Northwestern and Columbia, which I applied to for fun, just to try my luck.
I will not reveal the University I am studying at to protect my identity. But it is a good school and I am having the time of my life.
I didn’t tell my teachers I got into University in America, so when I went back for winter break I went to visit my old high school.
You should have seen the dumbstruck look on their faces, its like I asked them to donate a kidney.
Same with most of my friends, there wasn’t any laughing going on when I broke the news.
So you see, hope can be a wonderful thing. If you have a sense of hope, you can accomplish anything you want and no one can tell you otherwise. You can rise from Tartarus and become someone of envy, so don’t be afraid to feel a little hope once in a while.
~Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness~